SHERMIN LEE

Once you have faced the worst of your emotions, fear melts away. I wonder when fear will visit me again. I hope when it does, he comes to see me as an old friend, and not an enemy.

To allow yourself to feel, before you attempt to communicate with someone else's emotions. To cry before you address the needs of a crying child. To feel their pain, and respect its nature and power, and understand its source origin (or at least attempt to), before you begin to attempt to interact with it and to try and convert that energy into something less destructive to the self, and more healing (lest you absorb that pain, or destroy them or a part of yourself in the process of attempting to heal).

Life-form: a living creature/animate being Life-source: a well or pool of sustenance for something or someone living. I have always been a life-form: my body, and its energies. But becoming a woman, and a mother - carrying a child in my womb, and then feeding and sustaining her from my own flesh and body (breast milk) turned me into a life-source. My connection to the source of all life - energy, and mystery - was strongest when I was both a life-form, and a life-source. God(?), or source, was sensed at its strongest, when I was breastfeeding my child. I mourn that psychiatric doctors interfered with a connection they could not understand - they did not understand that it was detrimental to my physical and emotional and mental health to stop using *source to take care of and feed my daughter. *source refers to God, or the divine, or universal forces - I.e. the naturally occurring milk that a mother makes for her child, with her natural body. I am still sa

Adulting is hard. So treat yourself to that ice cream cone, or buy yourself a cute stuffed plushie to hug. Give yourself the experience you would have wanted your parents to give you, when you were a kid. Your inner child will thank you, and you will feel happier for taking care of your innocence and the place where joy and pure love comes from.

In my hand, I hold a pen The power to be free A flower child, lost in the wild Slow-growing on a tree And if I fall down to the ground, Then who will capture me? A cosmic force, a sonic voice Tells me that soon, you'll see

Source made/created/produced every man, woman and child, and every creature on earth beautiful: with the potential to be-a-you-to-full.  Be a you, to full. Be yourself, to the fullest capacity you know how. ❤

Today, everything that could have gone wrong, did. I had planned on getting a good night's rest, but my daughter kept waking me up all through the night, complaining of aches and pains. In the morning, I felt tired and had the runs, courtesy of my kids and their gastric flu. I popped some pills and left it at that. I had half a mind not to even step out the door - what would it matter if I missed a day of exercise, a day of work? I immediately nipped that thought in the bud - negative automatic thought is second-nature and seductive. Powering through your natural responses and reactions takes a certain level of calm and determination. So I told myself to fight through the sick/tired feelings. Even when I had to turn back and head home to switch my pair of pants out (my helper had left incomplete stitches and a pin in the one I was wearing), I had to remind myself it was okay! Even when I found myself sitting at the coffeeshop, trying to book a cab and not g

Cleo-PAT-Ra was the name of a lion. A God. A creature. Cleo: woman. Pat: (now known as pet). Ra: Goddess/God. Cats were not pets or slaves or servants. Not to the Egyptian kings and queens, at least. They were protectors. And the protector to protect them all? CleopatRa. When we KILLED her (the beast), Egypt fell apart. The ‘Lion Sleeps Tonight’, a song about killing lions/hunting them for sport, underscores the tale of how Man, in his folly, ill-appointed himself as protector and ruler of the realm, when the higher power should have gone to the beast of beasts, the animal to rule them all: the lion queen (beast) and her king (man). One without the other, and the world is tipped into chaos and imbalance. We are all animals. Human beings are NOT the apex predator, and neither are we prey. We are somewhere in the middle. And we have forgotten that, thinking ourselves higher creatures than our quadruped counterparts. I submit we honour cats and nature again; a cat’s purr vibrat

Dad, you didn't teach me discipline or control over my sexuality. You were always absent- when you weren't working, you were still checked out emotionally. I never learned how to hug a man or draw healthy touch or affection and attention from men, because you never role-modelled that for me. All you ever were was unavailable, physically and emotionally. Maybe your presence and simply listening to me would have taken the wind out of my sails, on a ship sailing towards lust and hedonism... Mom, you didn't teach me how to, or that it was ok to harness and cultivate my sensuality. I had to fly blind and grope around in the dark to figure out that a woman's power is her gentleness and kindness of heart, not just her sexuality. Being sexy and desirable is not powerful, without also being kind and soft, to my partner(s) and to myself. I'm not complaining about my parents. I'm taking responsibility as a parent, as a mother and as a father, too, in the abs

There is a darkness that consumes Everything in its path It is a formless, shapeless monster  With no future and no past It likes to hide in places Where nobody knows its name It takes the brightness out from light And fills a heart with pain Some know it rather well and dear While others never know its fear The power that is has, control Steals away inside your soul At last, in darkness, shall I find A quiet, still, and peaceful mind  I accept that this I am 'Meaningless', she is my friend

You raised me with anxiety and irrational fear in your heart, and that's why I have my own anxieties and irrational fears now. You guilt-tripped me into apologising for behaviours and expressions that were actually healthy for me, and that's why I struggle to exhibit healthy behaviours and habits, and to express myself in a genuine and open and honest way. You encroached upon my decision making, which is why I made bad and foolish choices, against my better judgement and instincts. I'm flaky, and I escape my problems and big emotions. I cannot blame you, but I don't think it is a coincidence that my sister is this way, too. For all this, you have made me stronger and wiser. You did your best to mould my spirit, but I fit no mould. I broke apart to break free of your control and your manipulation, only to fix myself back together again, this time with no manual or directives from you, but to the whisperings of my own heart. I love you for trying and

The human spirit is limitless. When you trap it in a cage, staying at home all day, or sitting in a ward in a mental hospital all week, month, year(s), what do you expect happens to the human spirit? Neglected, or not taught how to embrace, harness and channel your spirit into 'fulfilling' activities and tasks, the mental and spiritual faculties decline from lack of use, or misuse. Instead of putting your mind, body and will to good work that could potentially benefit yourself and other people, we sit staring out the window from within the confines of the mental institution's ward... The same can be said to be true of staying home, consuming entertainment media all day. We are all spiritual beings. We are capable of healing our spirit the same way a bird let loose from its cage has the option of flying away, learning how to, or to stay grounded. The choice is ours, how we want to harness and channel our living essence. We can read, research, ask for guidanc

Something happened to me today that turned my understanding of myself and my emotions on its ear. I began to understand why I'd checked myself into a mental hospital, to cry and grieve and scream and generally act like a mentally insane person. I was denied the release of my emotions (i.e. my anger, my sadness, frustration and fears) when I was under my parents' tutelage. It became apparent to me, after how they handled the situation today: instead of owning up to their emotions of sadness (which I suspect was their primary emotion, seconded by frustration, perhaps), they responded to my 3-year old daughter's tears and frustration with anger. She'd wanted to go swimming, but she wanted to go to sleep. She'd wanted to go out for a fun excursion, but she also wanted to be carried to the car. And so, in her confusion and ambivalence, she released her emotions the only way she knows how: by talking through tears and screams of loud frustration. And ho

As a child, I was touched inappropriately. After that, I repressed the memory for the rest of my life, until now. Perhaps my childhood trauma is one of the reasons why I spiraled out of control and ended up in a mental hospital, and possibly why I overeat.

I sign up for projects and work and think 'oh I'll be happier for having done it/achieving this' when really, the most rewarding part of the job is being on the job. Doing the work, experiencing the activities and socialising with the people: that's where the payout lies. Ofcourse, taking a paycheck home is also, if not equally enjoyable. But if you choose only to focus on the end goal, the game itself becomes... Well, cumbersome and exhausting. But if you play to have fun, and enjoy the work you've chosen to do- to immerse yourself in the situation - well, then you create your own gold. *Thumbs up*

I'm fat, I have acne/pimples all over my face. I'm 25 and the most unfit I've been, ever. Plastered all over TV and billboards and ad spaces and the media are images of young, beautiful, fit people/models. I'm not one of these people, and perhaps I'll never be. I don't even try to be. I could, if I wanted to. But I don't feel like I need to look a certain way to feel a certain way. I accept the me that I am.

Up until now, I have been buffeted by the forces of change in my life. I never asked to be someone's wife, or mother, but I am. It seems everything I've asked for, I've gotten but couldn't hold on to (my singing/hosting gigs). And everything that's never even occured to me to have/achieve, I have received/attained (being a stay-at-home mom/wife). Perhaps purpose is circumstantial: life happens, and you (& your purpose) happen along with it. https://www.facebook.com/dualityconcept/

As I was washing my 3-year old daughter's bum after a poo, she says to me 'because you wash my piku (bum) so many times, I love you'. Now I know the value of simple everyday mundane chores. What was once a hassle and troublesome act became something wonderful and amazing - all because I know now my daughter appreciates and loves me for the small acts of kindness I show her everyday.

We were at the playground, and there was a particular piece of exercise equipment my daughter was interested in. She got onboard, looked at me and said: "I don't know. Teach me." My 3 year old knows ( learns ) so much more than what most people older than her would. All because of those 5 words.

It’s 2:28am, and I’m still awake. I’m tired, but my mind/soul is unwilling to put my body and brain to slumber. I’m inspired. Like Kanye West, a man I once presumed conceited and entitled, I am inspired. He wants to change the world. I do, too.  At the same time, I DON’T want to change the world. I know it will happen. I just want to be a Mother, and then a Grandmother. THAT is how I am going to change the world around me.  I am only one, and I am alone, but not on my own. Because a tiny drop in the water creates a ripple effect, and I am infinitesimally tiny.

Children are autonomous. Until we break them. Children are precocious, until we teach them. Children are guileless, until we corrupt them. We are all children.

All anyone ever wants is attention: above recognition, above appreciation, above acknowledgement, maybe even on par with wanting approval. I know I'm like that. Just like a child who says 'look mummy! Look, I did this,' or 'I did that', some of the time when I finish writing a blog post, I'm excited for certain people to read my content, and so I show it to them.' And asking for attention is not wrong. The problem with our world today is that people are asking for attention without having anything susbtantial to share. (People are mainly concerned with hopping on the next viral trend, that they sometimes forget that content with weight and gravity remains timeless, whereas fluff is just... fluff. It's lightweight and often negligible). We are constantly bombarded by negative imaging and messaging. 'Do this, be this, have that,' a lot of messages are crafted by talented people to manipulate us into consuming or conforming, so they

Click the picture. I dare you. You cannot treat the artist's temparament and spiritual ills: a soul-crushing, debilitating depression, through medicine and academic knowledge, without first knowing the science behind the creative mind/heart/soul. A thing like that should be handled with care, as the emo is far more intricate than the ego. There is a certain artistry to listening, asking the right questions, and getting NOT the right or correct responses, but rather truthful and honest responses, whether they are emotional, physical or verbal. The artist, or every single human being I know has a recovery mechanism innate to his or her person. It takes time and self-work: introspection, to find what is healing to existential depression and suicidal ideation; anxiety. Self-talk and therapy, healing and cure cannot come from without (external reality), when the 'problem' or 'illness' stems from the intrinsic (the internal/imagined reality). Just as

I am a dutiful wife: I have a duty to love, honour and care for my husband. I am a dutiful mother: I have a duty to my children, to raise them whole and raise them well. Keep them clothed, fed and content, if not truly happy. I have a duty to my family and friends: to care for them when they need me, to listen when they need a listening ear. I have a duty to my readers: to be inspired by the people I meet, to write for their needs. But most of all, and above all else, I have a duty to myself: I have a duty to love, honour and respect my voice. To take care of me, to correctly and vociferously identify, and then understand my needs as a woman, a spiritual being, a wife, mother, friend, writer, singer, daughter, lover, caregiver etc. I have to put duty above all else. Duty to whom? Duty to myself. Because if I don't, duty to everything and everyone else breaks down and falls to shit. #Truth

Men function primarily on ego. Their sense of pride, achievement, satisfaction rests on their concept of right and wrong, justice and injustice, what is fair and what is not. Man is logical and calculated. Man: products and creatures of Nurture. Women rely on instinct; intuition; mother-nature. We are irrational, illogical, emotional, creatures of nature. These are strengths the sexes carry. They overlap in many ways. A man CAN be a woman, in identity, and so too a woman can be man, in identity. Of course, we cannot change our biological makeup, but our personalities and attitudes, even our beliefs are fluid. So, be a man, or be a woman. Be ego, be emo. Be nurture, be nature. Just be you. A true you.

Trust your gut, for it will never lead you wrong. Your logical, reasoning mind might. That's because your logical, reasoning mind is constantly and subconsciously being manipulated and guided by external messages: your family, friends, the media, advertising, society, government, religion. Your gut, or your instinct, on the other hand, also known as your conscience, is yours and yours alone. It is impervious to external influence and subliminal messaging, because it doesn't exist on the same conscious planes in the universe as the logical mind.  It is as old as the first human, ancient as time, and incorruptible. Your gut feeling is you. You are the voice that talks to yourself. And all the time, YOU are right. Not the ego, not the self, not the logical, reasoning voice inside your head. Your conscience; the voice of God; spirit. Trust it. Trust you .

I lost my mind, after I had my babies in the hospital. Why? I have a theory, and that theory is that right after birth, a mother needs to be with her baby, or else the body instinctively responds to the absence of the baby with stress hormones. I call it the dead baby syndrome. If mother and child are not immediately attached and allowed to start the breastfeeding and in-arms bonding process, the woman reacts instinctively, intuitively processing the absence of the child as the child's death. Now, logically, the woman understands that the child is just being taken away for care or tests. But the primitive, primal nature and subconscious mind cannot understand or process the absence as anything but 'my baby has died'. And so, begins the spiral of grief and emotional instability. This is my bipolar 'trigger' story. I know of one other woman who claims to have developed bipolarity after she had her kids. Perhaps more research can be done in this area, an

Being a mother is a job. Nay, a career. It is being a teacher, being a friend, being a boss, being creative, being an entrepreneur, an adventurer, an artist, a visionary (envisioning a better future for your kids). It doesn't, and shouldn't pay in money. It pays with love and kindness, bliss and happiness. And more of us need to stop discounting that. Stop discounting ourselves. We need to start standing up for the rights of women to be mothers, and fathers to be fathers. We need to stop abusing the overworked, tired, under-appreciated PARENT. Because there is no boss, but ourselves. There is no workforce but our children. There is no capital investment but the investment in the welfare of children and their lives. And isn't that the noblest goal/job of all? Read further: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/moral-landscapes/201904/killing-mothering-the-center-society A well-researched article by Dr. Darcia Narvaez

What changed? My thoughts are still the same, my environment the same, the people around me the same. I am the same. So what's different? I reached out: I called old acquaintances - people whom I connected with, or felt inspired by; people I had questions for (specifically relating to my/their situation) and I talked to them. I got inspired by other people: I watched their YouTube videos and read their books and articles. Today, I'm impervious to perceived putdowns and other people's opinions on me, because I know that there are others out there who 'get' me. Socialising is key. Best over the phone, better face to face. You need quality people, not quantity. I know it's hard to find people you can connect with, but keep trying. Out of the hundreds of people that you meet, if you put yourself out there (I go for peer support sessions and visit Clubheal even though 99% of the people there are not necessarily 'my scene') you WILL

I submit that when I was in the institute of mental health (IMH), I was under a sort of spiritual attack. I was going in and out of dancing, and singing, in a trance-like state. I communed with my inner soul; my inner self; my inner-spirit; God. I heard the words, I heard the music. I bobbed along, I responded, I reacted.' And I was drugged into submission - submit to being 'normal'. Stop hearing your conscience: Mania, they called it. Spirituality, I say. God is my 'mental illness'. Take that, IMH.

So I sing sad songs. Because they make me feel real; genuine. The make me sad, they make me cry. They make me grieve . And then, something amazing happens. I feel well again. Call me a masochist, but we all need pain and suffering in life. It FEELS GOOD to release this type of energy and stress through song/sport/meditation/art (cooking, sewing, painting etc)/work. Let's talk about balance. Yin and Yang. Light and dark. I'm at place in life where overcoming sorrow and pain feels good. Maybe one day, perhaps, I'll have no more sorrow and pain, and I could be happy all the time. But for right now, my world vision is that of lightness and darkness; happiness and sadness. So, I sing.

I cry almost every day now. Well, two days in a row. And that's ok. After a cry, I feel a sense of relief and release. It's cathartic.

Sing. Sing sad songs. Sing happy songs. Sing your heart out. Emote. Feel. Live. Love. Even if you can't hold a tune, sing. 'I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free' - His eye is on the Sparrow (Lauryn Hill)

No, what I truly want is to breastfeed my children. But the time for that has passed... . I don't want to be a lactation consultant. It's too much tedious work getting the certification. No, I want to be a blogger. I want to write, and I want my blog to be popular like xia xue's, and I want to be sponsored and for marketers and advertisers to use my platform for their products (I want to advocate for the products and services I use and/or believe in. Things that make life easier, breezier, and at least more bearable. What I don't want, is to be a mouthpiece for a brand or product or service that is harmful or destructive, or that does a disservice to the world and others. If i ever do that, please come back to this post and call me out on it. We'll talk about it like civil folk do). But what would I write about? My feelings, perhaps. My neuroticism, my bipolarity, my highs and lows. I've come through a cloud of depression and suicide, and now I

If breastfeeding and being a Mother and showering your kids with love was a paid job, how many more would do it? If volunteering to sing for the sick was a paid job, would I do it? Yes, I would. But none of these things are reality - can I turn them into my reality? How? How would I turn breastfeeding and giving Motherly love and singing for the sick-what I’m passionate about-into a career? Into something that not only fulfils me and nourishes my soul, but into something that can help me provide for and sustain myself, my family, my friends, and my community? Do I blog about it, as I am now? Do becoming a breastfeeding/stay-home-mum advocate or coach? Do I continue to sing at bars and restaurants for the ‘sick’ (glug glug) and disillusioned?  How do I continue my life and do the work I was intended to do, and be rewarded and recognised for it?  Do I even want to be recognised for it? Yes, I do. I want to live life in my own quiet way, serving my purpose and m