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I Am Who I Am Because of The Way You Raised Me

You raised me with anxiety and irrational fear in your heart, and that's why I have my own anxieties and irrational fears now.

You guilt-tripped me into apologising for behaviours and expressions that were actually healthy for me, and that's why I struggle to exhibit healthy behaviours and habits, and to express myself in a genuine and open and honest way.

You encroached upon my decision making, which is why I made bad and foolish choices, against my better judgement and instincts.

I'm flaky, and I escape my problems and big emotions. I cannot blame you, but I don't think it is a coincidence that my sister is this way, too.

For all this, you have made me stronger and wiser. You did your best to mould my spirit, but I fit no mould. I broke apart to break free of your control and your manipulation, only to fix myself back together again, this time with no manual or directives from you, but to the whisperings of my own heart.

I love you for trying and doing your best. I understand that we cannot be perfect parents, but thank you for trying to be the best parent you knew how. You loved me, and that is and was enough for me to grow into who I am, who I've become, and who I am becoming, today.

Who I will be, as I learn and grow into my own, is the power you kept in your care, for me, until I could show you that I was finally grown enough to wield it. You set boundaries and limits for me, that even if they were well-intentioned and stifling for a child like me, taught me what did and did not, and does and does not work for me, now.

And now, it's time for me to become my own parent, and take care of my inner child the way she wants and needs to be taken care of. I will be gentle, healing, open, honest, and most of all, kind (I will not just hear, but listen) to me.

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